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“What can help me feel better?”

Written by Memorial Mortuary & Cemeteries in-house grief counselor, Amanda Nelsen:

As a grief counselor the question I get asked most from grieving people is, “What can help me feel better?” My answer is, “You need to mourn.”  That answer might be confusing to some, so I will explain.

Grief is our internal experience.  Mourning is the shared response to loss.

We will always grieve for those we love, but many of us try to avoid mourning.  Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a grief expert, outlines the central needs of mourning:

Acknowledge the reality of the death

Embrace the pain of the loss

Remember the person who died

Develop a new self-identity

Search for meaning

Receive ongoing support now and always

Each of these tasks will require a great deal of time, effort, and emotions.  It often seems easier to not mourn, to hide away the pain we are feeling.  Mourning is hard work – don’t confuse what’s easier with what’s more effective.

But if you put in the work and allow yourself to feel the pain, you will eventually find more peace and comfort for your soul.  As John Donne once said, “He who has no time to mourn, has no time to heal.”


Amanda is a Clinical Mental Health Counselor, specializing in individual and family therapy for people of varying backgrounds. She works for Memorial Estates, running their Grief & Loss Counseling program.

She has extensive experience working with adolescents and families in the community. Amanda received her Master’s Degree in Educational Psychology from the University of Utah. There she focused on Multicultural and Client Centered Counseling.

Amanda started her career working for Salt Lake County Youth Services, serving families from all backgrounds and with a wide variety of issues. She further developed her passion for helping people recover and heal from trauma and loss.

In counseling, Amanda values the trust and safety of the therapeutic relationship. She creates a counseling environment full of compassion, safety, empathy, and understanding. She constantly strives to help to cultivate strong relationships and assist families to cope with the loss of a loved one. Through her open attitude, and the warm environment that she facilitates, families can begin to feel peace as they work through their bereavement.

Memorial Utah, with the help of Amanda Nelsen, is committed to helping you through the loss of your loved one. You may contact Amanda at (801) 718-1520 or amanda.nelsen@securitynational.com

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