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Experiencing Grief During the Holiday Season

MemorialAdmin • Nov 14, 2018


Written by Memorial Mortuary & Cemeteries in-house grief counselor, Amanda Nelsen:

The holiday season is upon us again.  This can be a particularly tough time to navigate if you are grieving.  In fact, if you google “holidays and grief” the first result is for a depression/suicide hotline number.  Obviously, there is a lot of heartache and distress if you are grieving during the holidays.  So, what can you do to make it easier? Below I’ve gathered a few thoughts on ways you might deal with grief and the holidays.

Take a break.

You don’t have to put on, or participate in, all of the holiday traditions you usually do.  You can skip some parties or events.  It’s easy to feel overloaded when you are grieving, so don’t pressure yourself to do everything.

Location, location, location.

Maybe you want to spend the holidays in your usual location, or maybe you want to go somewhere entirely new. Maybe you want to visit the gravesite or maybe you don’t.  Be cognizant of your location as you plan holiday events.

Honor your loved one.

Some ideas to honor your loved one might include: lighting a candle in their honor, “adopting” a child or family in memory of your loved one, making a memorial ornament or decoration, creating a photo table of your loved one, or donating some of your loved one’s possessions.

Get organized.

Grief makes your mind foggy and it’s easy to let things slip through the cracks.  Make lists, create calendars, coordinate with others – whatever you need to do to make sure your priorities are taken care of.

Don’t “should” yourself (or let others “should” you).

It’s easy to think “I should [send out Christmas cards…attend that party…put up decorations…be happier, etc.],” but go easy on yourself and only do what you have the capacity to do.  Don’t let yourself feel guilty.

Take care of yourself.

I know self-care has become a bit of a cliché these days, but it’s very important.  Figure out what recharges you.  A few ideas are: exercise, join a grief group, spend time in nature, make an appointment with a therapist, journal, meditate, or worship.  Also, make sure you don’t overindulge in alcohol or other substances that will make your mental state worse.

Communicate.

You probably have family and friends who aren’t sure how you want to handle the holidays this year.  It makes it easier if you communicate what you feel up to or don’t feel up to doing.  And if you don’t know what you want yet, tell them that, too.  Otherwise, you might end up with a lot of hurt feelings or miscommunication on both sides.

Seek gratitude.

Grief makes it easy to get bogged down in sadness and what we are missing.  Take a moment each day to find something you are grateful for, and note it down somewhere.

Ask for help AND accept help.

Chances are you have people in your life who want to help you or have even offered.  It can lift a weight off your shoulders to have some assistance with shopping, decorating, or cooking.

It’s okay to enjoy yourself and be happy.

We sometimes feel guilty for enjoying the holidays while missing someone we love; but finding happiness amidst grief is okay and normal.  It doesn’t diminish how much we miss our loved one.  If you find some joy and peace – enjoy it!

 

Amanda is a Clinical Mental Health Counselor, specializing in individual and family therapy for people of varying backgrounds. She works for Memorial Estates, running their Grief & Loss Counseling program.

She has extensive experience working with adolescents and families in the community. Amanda received her Master’s Degree in Educational Psychology from the University of Utah. There she focused on Multicultural and Client Centered Counseling.

Amanda started her career working for Salt Lake County Youth Services, serving families from all backgrounds and with a wide variety of issues. She further developed her passion for helping people recover and heal from trauma and loss.

In counseling, Amanda values the trust and safety of the therapeutic relationship. She creates a counseling environment full of compassion, safety, empathy, and understanding. She constantly strives to help to cultivate strong relationships and assist families to cope with the loss of a loved one. Through her open attitude, and the warm environment that she facilitates, families can begin to feel peace as they work through their bereavement.

Memorial Utah, with the help of Amanda Nelsen, is committed to helping you through the loss of your loved one. You may contact Amanda at (801) 718-1520 or amanda.nelsen@securitynational.com

Grief and Technology

By Belle Archuleta • 13 Mar, 2024
Written by Memorial Mortuary & Cemeteries in-house Grief Counselor, Amanda Nelsen Technology and Grief Grief often changes our whole world – and the digital age has brought about a whole new dimension of grief. Mourning used to be more intimate – something that was done with a small group of family or friends and typically in person. Now our grief experience can play out on the public stage of social media, online communities, and virtual memorials. Below we will highlight a few of the unique challenges and unexpected opportunities that come with navigating grief in our tech-connected world. The Social Media Dilemma In the digital era, it's become customary to share our lives online, but when it comes to grief, the lines blur. Condolences come in the form of likes and comments, leaving us to grapple with the question: Is a virtual hug as comforting as a real one? The struggle to balance the genuine support from our online circles with the sometimes superficial nature of digital interactions is real. We can be surrounded by digital support, but still feel quite alone in our grief day-to-day. Online Communities One beneficial aspect of grieving in the digital age is the emergence of online communities that offer comfort and understanding. Whether it's a forum, a Facebook group, or a subreddit, these virtual spaces have become very popular over the past couple decades. The ability to connect with others who have walked a similar path can be a lifeline in times of isolation. They can be especially helpful when you feel you have a unique grief/situation and are having a hard time finding people around you who have been through a similar situation. The Echo Chamber of Grief While online support can be a balm for the grieving soul, the digital echo chamber can also amplify the pain. Constant reminders of loss, triggered by algorithms and shared memories, can sometimes hinder the healing process. Striking a balance between staying connected and avoiding being overloaded can be difficult. Pressure to Post These days, when we are so connected, grieving in the public eye can sometimes feel like a performance. We might feel pressure to share our grief when we aren’t ready, or to put a positive spin on our grief when we aren’t feeling that way. We also may not want to share anything about our grief at all, which can also leave others feeling like we aren’t “properly” grieving. It can sometimes feel difficult to balance vulnerability and privacy. Embracing the Pros and Cons of Digital Grief In our hyperconnected world, grief weaves itself into many digital aspects of our lives. The challenges are real, but so are the opportunities for connection and understanding. As we navigate loss in the digital age, let's remember that grief is as unique as the internet – messy, unpredictable, and ultimately, a deeply human experience. So here's to finding comfort in the virtual hugs, solace in shared stories, and navigating grief in a world that's more connected than ever. If you feel like you could use extra support with your grief, please reach out to Amanda Nelsen Amanda.Nelsen@MemorialUtah.com.

Grief Integration

By MemorialAdmin • 21 Sep, 2022
  Written by Memorial Mortuary & Cemeteries in-house Grief Counselor, Amanda Nelsen How can I get closure? This is a question I hear on a pretty regular basis. And I completely understand what is behind it – we want to be able to put the painful feelings of grief behind us. We want to be … Continued The post Grief Integration appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.

Regret

By MemorialAdmin • 30 Jun, 2022
Written by Memorial Mortuary & Cemeteries in-house Grief Counselor, Amanda Nelsen The topic of regret has been on my mind recently. I often hear clients talk about the regrets they had after a loved one died – some become quite reflective on things they could have done differently or “better” while their loved one was … Continued The post Regret appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.

Navigating Grief During and After the Covid-19 Pandemic

By MemorialAdmin • 30 Mar, 2022
    As a grief therapist, I have seen a lot of people grieving loved ones who died from Covid-19 over the past couple of years. A recent study has shown that people who have experienced the death of a loved one due to Covid-19, have increased mental health issues than a pre-pandemic death (Breen, … Continued The post Navigating Grief During and After the Covid-19 Pandemic appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.

An Update regarding COVID-19 and its impacts on funeral, burial, and memorial services

By MemorialAdmin • 23 Apr, 2020
We are grateful your family has chosen to entrust your loved one into our care. The recent COVID-19 pandemic has required us to enact some adjustments to how we conduct arrangement conferences, viewings, funeral or memorial services, and other aspects of our processes. Our goal is to allow you and your family to spend as … Continued The post An Update regarding COVID-19 and its impacts on funeral, burial, and memorial services appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.

Why is a funeral so important?

By MemorialAdmin • 26 Sep, 2019
  Recently, an article came out highlighting the incredible relationship between a mother Orca and her baby calf, who passed away shortly after being born. The mother, Tahlequah, used her snout to keep her deceased calf afloat for 17 days and covered over 1,000 miles of ocean in the process, an unprecedented display of mourning … Continued The post Why is a funeral so important? appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.

Coping With A Terminal Illness

By MemorialAdmin • 07 May, 2019
Many of us have seen a loved one struggle with a terminal diagnosis. It isn’t something we like to talk about, but many of us will also get our OWN terminal diagnosis.  Having a terminal diagnosis brings its own type of grief and decisions to be made. How do you grieve your own death before … Continued The post Coping With A Terminal Illness appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.

Grief Resources for Children

By MemorialAdmin • 03 Jan, 2019
Written by Memorial Mortuary & Cemeteries in-house grief counselor, Amanda Nelsen: I am often asked for resources for young children who have lost someone close to them. Stories are often a good way to open up dialogue with children and illustrate death in a more concrete fashion. I compiled some of my favorites for easy … Continued The post Grief Resources for Children appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.

Normal Grieving

By MemorialAdmin • 23 Aug, 2018
Grief is unpleasant.  Grief is heartbreaking.  Grief is HARD. Written by Memorial Mortuary & Cemeteries in-house grief counselor, Amanda Nelsen: But grief is also natural. We should be heartbroken when someone we love dies.  We should be sad and lonely when death takes a dear friend.  It doesn’t mean it’s easy to feel those emotions, … Continued The post Normal Grieving appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.

What Grieving People Want You to Know

By MemorialAdmin • 12 Jul, 2018
At some point during our life, grief is inevitable.  It is a part of the human experience.  But it is also isolating, and often leaves the bereaved feeling lonely and detached from those around them. Written by Memorial Mortuary & Cemeteries in-house grief counselor, Amanda Nelsen: So what do you do when someone you love … Continued The post What Grieving People Want You to Know appeared first on Memorial Mortuaries.
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